Shunsui's list of power
by Fate4Destiny
Summary: A list of the ten things Shunsui will do once he has Yamamoto's position. Mostly crack. Spoiler alerts for chapter 520.


What Shunsui would do once he's captain-commander

Warnings: contains spoilers

Mostly crack, and number 3 is more my opinion than his. So I must say he's a little oc, but he steps up his game and acts more serious when Yamamoto dies...

1) Mandatory course in human weapons.

Shunsui: Sword are great 'n' all, I'm not gonna give up my zanpakutō or something, but we need defence tactics. I mean, Urahara and Ichigo live in the living world, and who knows what the covert ops have. And you never know when someone will, I don't know, get shot in the eye!

2)Better transportation for the fourth division.

Because some of us are dying, forgotten, shot in the eye... But you know, I'm more concerned for that Kira kid. He's basically the captain of the third division now. And let's break the fourth wall for a few moments. You cannot say you didn't feel sympathy when Gin betrayed him, and he turned into a depressed, moody, drunk who- hey, Kira-fukutaichou, watcha doing? This is my first rant in power you know.

*pushes a crying Kira out of the room* Aren't you supposed to be dead? *Kira sobs harder* There, there, don't cry. You'll see Gin if you die, right? *Kira begins crying out loud*... Hey, Jū-chan, you're good with the younger kind, right? *pushes Kira into Ukitake's arms* There, I should make you honarary... something so I don't have to deal with this. Now shoo, I'm busy. *closes door on them*

Strongest Supporters: Byakuya, Renji, Kenpachi, Kira

3) Speaking of Jū-chan, let's cure him. And not just because he's my de facto husband. But come on, give the poor man a break. Centuries of coughing and sitting on the sidelines, even through Kaien's death... Poor guy... But less so then Kira...

And nobody has the decency to heal either. Shame on you, Retsu-chan- Agh! *Unohana glares at him* How- How did you come into my room? Why can't I go in your room when you go into mine... Is it because I insulted you or because you want to see in my bedroom alone *gets hit over head before an annoyed Unohana walks out* So... Number four...

Strongest supporter: Kiyone and Sentaro. Ukitake is too humble to admit...

Shunsui: Really, Jū-chan, you don't want to be healed?

Jūshirō: You're the one who said Kira needed more help. Besides, we're in war.

Shunsui: Oh yeah... I keep forgetting that. Isn't this century just a lot more... Death filled than the others?

Jūshirō: to be fair, no other captain seems to last more than two straight centuries.

Shunsui: Oh no, they last. They just turn against us, try to kill us, rebel, get exiled... *goes on and on with reasons* *Jūshirō nods along before curling up and sleeping.* Oh, he fell asleep... Ahh, isn't he cute... *Shunuki moment*

4) Nanao-chan gets an outfit change! Come on, admit it, you want to see her in something sexy and I have the power to do so now! *whacks against head* What is with people coming into my room? *another whack* Nanao-chan~ *Shunsui begins whining and chases Nanao with arms outstretched. Soon gets door slammed on face.* I wonder what their doing out there?

Meanwhile, 'out there'

Nanao: Unohana-taichou, what are doing?

Unohana: wondering if I should go and try to find a cure for Jūshirō before the war ends.

Kira: *breaks out into greater sobs and holds Jūshirō like a teddybear. Jūshirō feeds him candy, and smiles his head off when Kira actually accepts*

Jūshirō: You know, I just realized something... 1) Wasn't I inside Shunsui's evil domain- ugh, room before? And 2) did he call me his de facto husband?... Remind me to talk to him after... *Jūshirō eyes turn a few shades darker*

5) *sneezes and shivers* Ugh, that hasn't happened since someone stole all of Jūshirō's candy, that was a massacre of the centuries... Anyways, what was number five again?... On another note *oblivious to his listing faults* I know what you're thinking. No paperwork and all sake, right? Wrong... *sigh* I walked into this one... Dammit, why did Yama-jii have to put me in charge... Now I feel all *shudders* responsible... Okay! One lieutenant or captain must be sober at all times... Most times... *overcome by his own morals* Agh! Keep doing what you guys do then!

6)We all know what happened with Nanao right? I switched her into my division and said screw the rules since she's mine little Nanao-chan-

Nanao: Captain!

Shunsui: ... My little Nanao-chan has really good hearing ^^... No trading lieutenants, looking at you Hitsugaya and Soi-Fon. Or else half our division would be like robots and the other half would be a drunken mess...

7)And for the love of kami- Kami, not Aizen, before that brat comes and hits me- work together! Come on, we're how old and we got saved by a 15 year old virgin. I expect more from all of you people...

8)Aizen... He has immortality, people. Can central 46 change it to a life sentence? Trust me, a couple of thousand years doesn't make you less crazy. Trust me, I should know. And speaking of central 46, you made number 11. Number one on the list of people most wanted dead. *smile*

9)... Let's be honest. There's about... 200 people in each division, and maybe two, or three or four in the case of eleventh and fourth division, actually do something and are worth it. So, this isn't actually about killing said useless people. It's just do 2600 people really need so many buildings? All that happens is that they explode, there's fire, people running around, end of the day, the captains are stuck with rebuilding paperwork... But then again, that's Nanao's problem. *stretches and kicks back on the chair*

Meanwhile~

Nanao: *sneezes* I think I may be allergic to something. I was planting marigolds and they were so annoying to plant and-

Kira: *sobs so hard he turns in to a chibi in Jūshirō's arms*

Jūshirō: *sneezes* must be another cold coming around.

Unohana: I'll check into it later.

10) And lastly, we all know I called Yama-jii an old man. Because he looked old. So any smart ass remarks about old age and expect yourself to be bankai-ed

Meanwhile~

Unohana & Jūshirō: *sneeze*

Jūshirō: *Shudder* I have a sinking feeling Shunsui did something I told him not to- *sneeze* Shunsui! What are you doing in there? I told you evil rants make you seem like Aizen!

Shunsui: It wasn't evil. I was simply plotting my ultimate take-over. The old man gave me permission.

Jūshirō: He also told you to-

Shunsui: Don't ruin it, Jū-chan~!

Jūshirō: But-

Shunsui: Jū-chan, I'm your boss now.

Jūshirō: oh ya... *clutches head and starts to murmur, then his eyes lite up* So I'm still the favourite of the head captain?

Shunsui: Yup!

Unohana: Hey! That isn't fair.

Shunsui: *points at his eye and at Kira*

Meanwhile~

Aizen: *sneeze* Sheesh, what is it out there? Byakuya activated his bankai and made it another pollen season?

Meanwhile~

Byakuya: *Sneeze. Spills tea all over his work.* damn... Someone must be talking about me. Must be Aizen again.

Meanwhile~

Aizen: Ah! For the love of god... Wait a minute... That's me...


End file.
